So here are my thoughts.
I have been growing a lot this past week. I am learning who I am in Christ. I have been learning that I am not disgusting, not shameful, not despicable, and not able to call myself these things. I am God's child, and I need to start acting like one. I need to stop believing the lies of the evil one, and I need to start living in the redeeming grace and authority of God's love. I AM GOD'S! He is patient, and what he declares clean, no one can call unclean. So my past sins and even current struggles are covered. Anytime I feel guilty or "screwed up" (as I like to say)...I have to remember that God tells me who I am...and I have no right to argue. I am HIS!
You know that with this past couple months, I have struggled with depression and anxiety. The evil one was stealing my joy. THINK OF IT THIS WAY: An enemy doesn't attack a weak little city in the middle of nowhere. An enemy will send his army to the capital city or the strongest city in a nation. That is how the war is won. As for me...he attacked my joy. This was my strength and I didn't even know it. Satan attacked my joy because my joy is a gift to myself and others.
Here is an excerpt of a note written to me by my teammate from my mission to India (before all the stuff with the attacks when down): "You are one of the most kind, caring, and genuine people that I have met. You have such a servant's heart and truly put the needs of others before your own. You have been an encouragement to me this whole trip! Always giving free back-rubs and your bubbley personality is so contagious."
I remember reading over this in my lowest points of depression. I was so mad, so disgusted with myself. I always said that I was not that girl anymore. BUT THAT WAS A LIE! Satan stole my joy and lied to me...told me that my greatest strength was no longer mine.
I declare the truth! That my joy is my strength. That the girl who served in India is still here and she is as amazing as ever (not on her own strength but on that of the Lord's).
I want to encourage you! The thing that you struggle with and feel you will never have. THAT IS YOUR STRENGTH! Claim it and stand on that truth!