Just a thought.
As foreigners, we live on the grace of the locals. I get reminded of a scene in Avatar when the blue girl (Neytiri) said to Jake, "You have a strong heart. No fear. But Stupid! Ignorant like a child!" And Jake says, "Well if I am like a child, then look, maybe you should teach me."
And that is the life of an Expat. We are so ignorant in the culture and language that even buying oranges at the store is a challenge. I no longer get frustrated when my co-workers say that I am like a baby...because I can't help but agree. This is a humbling experience.
On a less thoughtful note, I did make it to the doctors. And I can't help but shout: I LOVE UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE! I found that all my skin problems stem from the Psoriasis that I could never afford to treat since my childhood. And here I got 8 pills a day for a week and some ointment for $5 and the check-up at the doctors for $3. WOW!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
LIFE
The statement I make most often these days is, "LIFE!" followed by a short sigh. This can mean anything from I am tired, to I don't get Korea, to Yay!
So...here is life.
I am saying goodbye to some really awesome people really soon...which is hard. I have quite a few friends who's contracts are up and they are going home or wherever life takes them.
Also, I am considering joining a gym. Everyone tells me that it will help with more than just my anxiety. Well, I found the perfect gym but it is pricey. I mean...it's the perfect gym so it might be worth it. Happy early birthday to me. They have classes like Core Building, Aerobics, Yoga, ect. And real showers (unlike the hand held one in my apt. that I hate...only once did I like it and it was after the bucket showers in Thailand.) They have stationary bikes in front of a cool window that overlooks the city. They also have individual tv's in front of the treadmills. I like the woman who showed me around too! She was really nice!
I will probably join after my trip to Seoul next week. Yes, I am going to the Capital...I just wanted to get out a bit during break. I start teaching again next Friday and will be chained to the desk indefinitely after that.
The last thing that makes me sigh, "LIFE!" is that I may have picked up a few skin infections from the public bath house. I am not sure but I will probably head to the doctor one of these days coming up. I have itchy read bumps down my back and I might have ring-worm on my front. OH MY! LIFE!!!!
So...here is life.
I am saying goodbye to some really awesome people really soon...which is hard. I have quite a few friends who's contracts are up and they are going home or wherever life takes them.
Also, I am considering joining a gym. Everyone tells me that it will help with more than just my anxiety. Well, I found the perfect gym but it is pricey. I mean...it's the perfect gym so it might be worth it. Happy early birthday to me. They have classes like Core Building, Aerobics, Yoga, ect. And real showers (unlike the hand held one in my apt. that I hate...only once did I like it and it was after the bucket showers in Thailand.) They have stationary bikes in front of a cool window that overlooks the city. They also have individual tv's in front of the treadmills. I like the woman who showed me around too! She was really nice!
I will probably join after my trip to Seoul next week. Yes, I am going to the Capital...I just wanted to get out a bit during break. I start teaching again next Friday and will be chained to the desk indefinitely after that.
The last thing that makes me sigh, "LIFE!" is that I may have picked up a few skin infections from the public bath house. I am not sure but I will probably head to the doctor one of these days coming up. I have itchy read bumps down my back and I might have ring-worm on my front. OH MY! LIFE!!!!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Hard
So...even if I wrote million word essay, I still probably couldn't explain what is happening right now. All I know is that I am blessed so much to have such great people in my life. They are truly amazing.
And life has been so hard lately. A minutely struggle at times, for Joy and Peace. I have been hurt so deep that I thought I would never make it back out. I had to admit some pretty shameful thoughts today...and realize that I give satan more power than he really has.
Though it's only been 2.5 weeks-ish...I can't imagine life without my saddness and fear. But even so, I am so ready to be liberated. And it is coming...I feel it. God is so good! I don't know how much longer I will live in fear and pain...but I trust my God.
I am probably making no sense at all to most people...and I guess it really doesn't matter.
Blessings to all,
Caroline R.
P.S.
I really hope you guys are well. To quote Jacob Marley, "Mankind should have been my buisness!" I don't want to be a Marley....(i.e. Let me know your struggles so I can pray for you too!)
And life has been so hard lately. A minutely struggle at times, for Joy and Peace. I have been hurt so deep that I thought I would never make it back out. I had to admit some pretty shameful thoughts today...and realize that I give satan more power than he really has.
Though it's only been 2.5 weeks-ish...I can't imagine life without my saddness and fear. But even so, I am so ready to be liberated. And it is coming...I feel it. God is so good! I don't know how much longer I will live in fear and pain...but I trust my God.
I am probably making no sense at all to most people...and I guess it really doesn't matter.
Blessings to all,
Caroline R.
P.S.
I really hope you guys are well. To quote Jacob Marley, "Mankind should have been my buisness!" I don't want to be a Marley....(i.e. Let me know your struggles so I can pray for you too!)
Sunday, February 12, 2012
PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM
Oh my...where to start?
So those anxiety attacks that wrack my body and mind at 6:00pm each night. I am not afraid of them. I am choosing freedom. I may not be able to control my mind in an attack...but I can chose joy over sadness in the between times. I praise God for all the wonderful people in my life who have lead me back to Him. And I am learning so much right now. My new motto in life, "Growing is never comfortable."
Psalm 118
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
2 Let all Israel repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”
3 Let Aaron’s descendants, the priests, repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”
4 Let all who fear the LORD repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”
5 In my distress I prayed to the LORD,
and the LORD answered me and set me free.
6 The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear.
What can mere people do to me?
7 Yes, the LORD is for me; he will help me.
I will look in triumph at those who hate me.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in people.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
FIRST of all! We need to give thanks to the Lord for He is good. This is telling me that God is always good even when I don't feel His goodness. But I still need to praise Him in this storm. SECOND. Verse 6 says that God is FOR me. GOD IS FOR ME! He is on my side! Not a hair falls from my head without God knowing it and allowing it. He knows my struggle and is on my side. I need to trust that He knows what He is doing. It says in Lamentations 3 that He does not enjoy our sorrow. He hurts when we hurt. And I need to know that my best interests are at the top of His mind. And He loves and looks out for me so much. THIRD. I know that "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in People." The first thing I do when an attack hits it call on friends to help me. WHAT AM I DOING!?!?! I need to call on the LORD first and foremost!
Oh I am learning so much.
Philippians 4:6-9
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
And most recently...this one will give you goosebumps. My friend back home is suffering also from attacks...of a different kind...but still just as painful. And we prayed for each other this morning. And shared verses of encouragement. Then as we were saying goodbye she stumbled across this: 1 Peter 5:8-11
8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters[a] all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.
10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 11 All power to him forever! Amen.
Enough Said....AMEN!
So those anxiety attacks that wrack my body and mind at 6:00pm each night. I am not afraid of them. I am choosing freedom. I may not be able to control my mind in an attack...but I can chose joy over sadness in the between times. I praise God for all the wonderful people in my life who have lead me back to Him. And I am learning so much right now. My new motto in life, "Growing is never comfortable."
Psalm 118
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
2 Let all Israel repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”
3 Let Aaron’s descendants, the priests, repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”
4 Let all who fear the LORD repeat:
“His faithful love endures forever.”
5 In my distress I prayed to the LORD,
and the LORD answered me and set me free.
6 The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear.
What can mere people do to me?
7 Yes, the LORD is for me; he will help me.
I will look in triumph at those who hate me.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in people.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
FIRST of all! We need to give thanks to the Lord for He is good. This is telling me that God is always good even when I don't feel His goodness. But I still need to praise Him in this storm. SECOND. Verse 6 says that God is FOR me. GOD IS FOR ME! He is on my side! Not a hair falls from my head without God knowing it and allowing it. He knows my struggle and is on my side. I need to trust that He knows what He is doing. It says in Lamentations 3 that He does not enjoy our sorrow. He hurts when we hurt. And I need to know that my best interests are at the top of His mind. And He loves and looks out for me so much. THIRD. I know that "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in People." The first thing I do when an attack hits it call on friends to help me. WHAT AM I DOING!?!?! I need to call on the LORD first and foremost!
Oh I am learning so much.
Philippians 4:6-9
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.
And most recently...this one will give you goosebumps. My friend back home is suffering also from attacks...of a different kind...but still just as painful. And we prayed for each other this morning. And shared verses of encouragement. Then as we were saying goodbye she stumbled across this: 1 Peter 5:8-11
8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters[a] all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.
10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 11 All power to him forever! Amen.
Enough Said....AMEN!
Monday, February 6, 2012
In time
This post has been a little delayed. I figured I would get to it in time.
I am back in Korea...And I am experiencing the most un-expected thing. Culture shock! It snuck up on me and smacked me in the face. For the past four nights I have had anxiety attacks...(luckily I have refrained from calling my mother each night...though the first one I woke her up at 6:00am her time).
I am learning from this though. I was over-confident and borderline cocky before. I thought...oh I travelled to Thailand to teach and backpacked Laos all by myself. I am strong! ...wow. Pride comes before the fall...and I have majorly fallen...and getting back up is a slow process.
I find myself relying on the comfort of others. On their words of encouragement and direction. They lead me back to His word. I need to realize that all things come from God...big and small. And that I have no control over anything. I simply can do the best with what He choses to give me. When I start to find myself anxious I need to just count my blessings out loud. And that should do the trick.
But yeah. Just keep me in your prayers. And if you have any of your own...let me know.
I am back in Korea...And I am experiencing the most un-expected thing. Culture shock! It snuck up on me and smacked me in the face. For the past four nights I have had anxiety attacks...(luckily I have refrained from calling my mother each night...though the first one I woke her up at 6:00am her time).
I am learning from this though. I was over-confident and borderline cocky before. I thought...oh I travelled to Thailand to teach and backpacked Laos all by myself. I am strong! ...wow. Pride comes before the fall...and I have majorly fallen...and getting back up is a slow process.
I find myself relying on the comfort of others. On their words of encouragement and direction. They lead me back to His word. I need to realize that all things come from God...big and small. And that I have no control over anything. I simply can do the best with what He choses to give me. When I start to find myself anxious I need to just count my blessings out loud. And that should do the trick.
But yeah. Just keep me in your prayers. And if you have any of your own...let me know.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Another Airport
I am in Bangkok once again.
I woke up this morning with the intention of being thoroughly detached and subsequently un-hurt by all the goodbyes to take place. I walk down the stairs and find that my baby comes running to me, smiling and giggling, arms spread wide open. After my good morning hug from my two yr old, I get my good mornings from the rest of the lot. PLAN FAILED!
The newest boy to the home (yes there is a boys home as well as a girls home...separate buildings...no worries) has been super shy until yesterday when we got into a tickle war. He decided to continue the tickle war this morning. And even when I am busy eating or packing, my little monkey boy will climb himself up my back and just sit there until I tickle him off. So...as you can see..goodbyes were hard.
Two of the house moms gave me goodbye gifts...and brought tears to my eyes. I assured them both that if I was still in Korea next winter, I would come back and I would be embarrassed to find their English to be better than my own. :-)
Anyway...it really does suck to be leaving...but I know there is a chance I will be back. And that chance makes the leaving a little less difficult. Call me crazy...but I feel that everywhere I serve, I leave a little of myself. But I know that I learn and grow inn the process.
Well...I have 2 more airports to go and I should be inn Busan in 18 hours. So, until then...wish me safe travels.
I woke up this morning with the intention of being thoroughly detached and subsequently un-hurt by all the goodbyes to take place. I walk down the stairs and find that my baby comes running to me, smiling and giggling, arms spread wide open. After my good morning hug from my two yr old, I get my good mornings from the rest of the lot. PLAN FAILED!
The newest boy to the home (yes there is a boys home as well as a girls home...separate buildings...no worries) has been super shy until yesterday when we got into a tickle war. He decided to continue the tickle war this morning. And even when I am busy eating or packing, my little monkey boy will climb himself up my back and just sit there until I tickle him off. So...as you can see..goodbyes were hard.
Two of the house moms gave me goodbye gifts...and brought tears to my eyes. I assured them both that if I was still in Korea next winter, I would come back and I would be embarrassed to find their English to be better than my own. :-)
Anyway...it really does suck to be leaving...but I know there is a chance I will be back. And that chance makes the leaving a little less difficult. Call me crazy...but I feel that everywhere I serve, I leave a little of myself. But I know that I learn and grow inn the process.
Well...I have 2 more airports to go and I should be inn Busan in 18 hours. So, until then...wish me safe travels.
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